Refining
8:32 PM | Author: Eric Tuin
Psa 66:10 You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver melted in a crucible.

So I figured I should blog again. I guess for some reason I have a hard time just blogging about what I do from day to day and lately want to say something of meaning and purpose...I guess that's just the place I am at lately.

Change isn't easy. Especially when the change that you need to make or have to make is that of changing yourself. I feel like I've been in the crucible for a few months now, actually feels like I've been in and out of it for over a year now, but lately mostly in. It all started when I was done with my current job at the time, I had had enough and wanted more. I went through some difficult times trying to decide what to do, what I was here for, why I was an engineer, etc. I went all the way back to college, in my mind, and remembered that I tried to get out of engineering but felt like it was something that I was "called" to do. I struggled all the way through school, nothing in engineering came easy but I knew I was supposed to do it. So, ten years later I was doing it and felt like I was stuck, not going to accomplish what I was once called to do if I stayed where I was. Which led to the opportunity to buy the office I know own.

Now it would appear to some that I "have it all" but really I feel like I only have more responsibility and really nothing more. I'm caught up in the worries of making payroll, paying bills, finding enough work, etc, etc, and again i know that this is not what I was called to do. I think I'm on the floor in front of a big ladder trying to make that first rung but keep getting swept off my feet. I think I am just about to the point where all I can do is try to stand. Just stand, not try for the first rung, just stand. Maybe if I can master standing I'll be able to lift a foot and head for the first rung.

Eph 6:13, 14
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness...

In the midst of trying to stand I have had to make changes, realize that I wasn't perfect by any means and that I have a lot to fix and a lot that I can do better at. The slag is being burnt off and the impurities coming out in the fire. It has been anything but comfortable and downright unbearable at times, but I believe I will be all the better for it in the end.
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2 comments:

On 1:27 PM , Marion said...

Second try at commenting...I was sayin' that this is such a good post and that one day and moment at a time we will get through all of this. I believe that better times are coming soon! 143

 
On 5:45 PM , Jana Miller said...

Very powerful bro! I've been missing your posts! I finally updated mine as well! I know God will carry you through. I love you and pray for you daily!
Love you!